Brilliant Joke

A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods. 

She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. 

The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes." 
The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes. 

Whatever you wish for, your husband will get ten times of it!" The woman 
said, "That's okay." 

For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. 
The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will floc to". 
The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me." 
So, Amen- she's the most beautiful Woman in the world! 

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. 
The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you. " 
The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's 
his is mine." 
So, Amen- she's the richest woman in the world! 

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like to have a mild heart attack."
The man had a heart attac ten times milder than his wife!!! 

Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them.

Wine Taster

In a wine factory the regular taster died and the director started looking for a new one to hire.

A drunkard with ragged, dirty look came to apply for the position.

The director of the factory wondered how to send him away.

They tested him.

They gave him a glass of wine. He tried it and said,

"It’s red wine, a Muscat, three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers."

"That’s correct", said the boss.

Another glass.

"It’s red wine, cabernet, eight years old, a south-western slope, oak barrels."

"Correct."

The director was astonished.

He winked at his secretary to suggest something. She brought in a glass of urine. The alcoholic tried it.

"It’s a blonde, 26 years old, pregnant in the third month. And if you don’t give me the job, I’ll also name the father!

21st Century Bride

A newly wed girl was being welcomed at the husband’s home in a traditional manner.

She was asked to give a little speech. She addressed as follows:

“My dear family members, I thank you for welcoming me in my new home and family“,

she said “Firstly, with my presence I would not want to create any inconveniences by my being here. I mean that I don’t want you all to change your way of life, your routine.“

“What do you mean my child?” asked the father

What I mean dad is:

Those who used to wash dishes must carry on washing them. Those who used to do the laundry must carry on doing it. Those who cooked shouldn’t stop on my account. Those who used to clean should clean.

As for me, I am here just to control your son!

Rajni Kant

Rajinikant makes onions cry. 

Rajinikant can delete the Recycling Bin. 

Ghosts are actually caused by Rajinikant killing people faster than Death can process them. 

Rajinikant can play the violin.....with a piano. 

When Rajinikant enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on,.... he turns the dark off. 

Rajinikant calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Rajinikant. 

Once a cobra bit Rajinikant' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died. 

Rajinikant can kill two stones with one bird. 

There is no such thing as global warming. Rajinikant was cold, so he turned the sun up. 

Rajinikant once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!" 

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Rajinikant could use to kill you, including the room itself. 

Rajinikant got his driver’s license at the age of 16 Seconds. 

When you say "no one's perfect", Rajinikant takes this as a personal insult. 

There is nothing like recession, its just Rajinikant started to save money.

swami Vivekanand

Three things are necessary to make every man great, every nation great” 

1.Conviction of the powers of goodness

2.Absence of jealousy and suspicion

3.Helping all who are trying to be and to do good.

Nature wants us to react, to return blow for blow, cheating for cheating,

lie for lie, to hit back with all our might, then it requires a super divine power not hit back, to keep control, to be unattached”

The very essence of education is concentration of mind, not collecting of facts. Develop the power of concentration of mind and detachment and then with a perfect instrument collect facts at will.

Persons are but the embodiments, the illustration of principles. If the principles are there, the persons will come by the thousands and millions.

A "GOOD WORLD" A "HAPPY WORLD" AND SOCIAL PROGRESS are all terms equally intelligible with "Hot Ice" or "dark light".There is no progress without corresponding digression. 

Why We Tell Stories

There was once a disciple of a great teacher. Day after day the disciple would sit at the feet of his teacher listening to his instruction. Many people would come to visit and inevitably the teacher would engage them by telling a story.

One day the disciple asked; "Guruji, why do you engage people by means of stories? Why don't you just give them your teaching straight out?"

The guru answered: "Bring me some water."

Now the disciple knew his teacher to be a very formal and disciplined man. He had never asked for water at this time of the day. Nevertheless, he went immediately to fetch it. Taking a clean brass water pot from the ashram kitchen, the disciple went to the well, filled the pot with water and returned. He offered it to his teacher.

"Why have you brought me a pot when I asked only for water?"

The moral of this story…

We share with others the lessons we have learned. We provide you with a banquet of various tastes and styles. It is up to you to choose that dish which you find most palatable.

It happens in China

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COCA-COLA AND YOUR STOMACH

There has been a lot of speculation about the effect of Coca Cola on the human stomach. There were those that said that the popular beverage could literally cause our intestines to melt if we drink too much of the stuff. Coca Cola always denied the rumors and said that their product is no worse than other soft drinks on the market and there was no official proof of the "dissolving effect".

So a bunch of guys decided to conduct their own experiment and find out if the rumors are true. They just took a piece of red meat, put it in a plate and poured some Coca Cola over it. They left it there for two days and took some photos throughout their experiment. The Coke didn't completely dissolve the meat but you can see that it doesn't look like anything you'd like to have inside your body. And the smell was unbearable.

I'm sure pretty much everyone knew that Coca Cola wasn't the healthiest drink on the market, but I for one didn't think it could do that to flesh. No more Coke for me!

Laugh !!!

God decided to encourage people to have fewer children and introduced an award scheme… During the procedure at one point, he concentrated on learning about the situation in India :

He first met Jawaharlal Nehru in heaven, and asked him how many children he had during his time on earth. Nehru replied… only one!

Happy with the relatively good family planning adopted, God awarded Nehru with a Celestial Rolls Royce!

Indira Gandhi was next, and God asked the same question. She replied she had two children, and God thought, not too bad, so he gave her a BMW.

Dr. Radhakrishnan was next in line. God was not pleased to hear that he had six children, and gave him a Morris-8 as a kind of punishment…

Sometime later, the three (Nehru, Indira and Radhakrishnan) going around in their new cars, saw Mahatma Gandhi on foot!!!

Wondering what went wrong; they asked why God hadn't been merciful with him…

The Mahatma replied in disgust, "God did not even ask me!!!

Some idiots had told him that I am the father of the whole Indian nation!"

You may know me.

You may know me.

I'm your constant companion.

I'm you greatest helper.

I'm your heaviest burden. 

I will push you onward or drag you down to failure.

I am at your command.

Half the tasks you do can be turned over to me.

I'm able to do them quickly, and

I'm able to do them the same every time.

I'm easily managed.. all you have

 to do is to be firm, with me.

Show me exactly how you want it done.  

After a few lessons, I will do it automatically. 

I' am the servant of all great men and women.

And of course the servant of all the failures as well.

I've made all the great individuals

 who have ever been great.

And I've made all the losers too.

I work with all the precision of a computer,

and the intelligence of a human being.

You may run me for profit or you may run me to ruin.

It makes no difference to me.

Make me a strong part of your life.

Be easy with me and I will destroy you.

Be firm with me and I'll put the world at your feet.

Who am I? 

I am HABIT.

The Road To Success is Always Under Construction

Life is not no much a matter of position as of disposition.
If you don't care where you're going any road will get you there.
A pint of example is worth a gallon of advice.
He who throws mud loses ground.
A smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.
Ideas won't work unless you do.
The future is purchased by the present.
One thing you can't recycle is wasted time.
Triumph is just "umph" added to try.
He who forgives ends the quarrel.
Children need more models than critics.
Frogs have it easy, They can eat what bugs them.
The pursuit of happiness is the chase of a lifetime.
If the going gets easy you may be going downhill.
Jumping to conclusions can be bad exercise.
The best labor saving device is doing it tomorrow.
A turtle makes progress when it sticks its neck out.
Failure is the path of least persistence.
Patience is counting down without blasting off.
Have a backbone not a wishbone.
Some folks won't look up until they are flat on their backs.
If you want your dreams to come true, don't oversleep.
Friend - One who knows all about you and likes you just the same.
Birds have bills too and they keep on singing.
A good example is the best sermon.
The Ten Commandments are not multiple choice.
Well done! is better than, Well said!
Minds are like parachutes - they function only when open.
If you can laugh at it then you can live with it.
People don't fail, they give up.
When looking for faults use a mirror, not a telescope.
Smile, it takes only 13 muscles; A frown takes 64.
Kindness, a language deaf people can hear and blind can see.
A small leak can sink a great ship.
You can't direct the wind, but you can adjust your sails.
We lie loudest when we lie to ourselves.
Tact is the ability to see others as they wish to be seen.
A friend walks in when everyone else walks out.
If you must cry over spilled milk then please try to condense it.

HOW A SON/DAUGHTER THINKS OF HIS/HER DADDY AT DIFFERENT AGES

At 4 Years
My daddy is great.
At 6 Years
My daddy knows everybody.
At 10 Years
My daddy is good but is short tempered
At 12 Years
My daddy was very nice to me when I was young .
At 14 Years
My daddy is getting fastidious.
At 16 Years
My daddy is not in line with the current times.
At 18 Years
My daddy is becoming increasingly cranky.
At 20 Years
Oh! Its becoming difficult to tolerate daddy.
Wonder how Mother puts up with him.
At 25 Years
Daddy is objecting to everything.
At 30 Years
It's becoming difficult to manage my son.
I was so scared of my father when I was young.
At 40 Years
Daddy brought me up with so much discipline.
Even I should do the same.
At 45 Years
I am baffled as to how my daddy brought us up.
At 50 Years
My daddy faced so many hardships to bring us up.
I am unable to manage a single son.
At 55 Years
My daddy was so far sighted and planned so many things for us.
He is one of his kind and unique.
At 60 Years
My daddy is great.
Thus, it took 56 years to complete the cycle and come back to the first stage.

NICE THOUGHTS

NICE THOUGHTS

 Once, all villagers decided to pray for rain. On the day of prayer all the  people gathered but only one boy  came with an umbrella... 

THAT'S FAITH             

When you throw a baby in the air,  
she laughs because she knows you will catch her... 

THAT'S TRUST  

Every night we go to bed, without  any assurance of being alive the next morning but still we set the alarms in our watch to wake up...

THAT'S HOPE

We plan big things for tomorrow in spite of zero knowledge of the future   or having any certainty of uncertainties...

THAT'S CONFIDENCE  

             

We see the world suffering. We know there is every possibility of same or similar things happening to us. But still we get married??... 

THAT'S OVER CONFIDENCE !!   

You Are...

You Are...

You are strong...when you take your grief and teach it to smile.
You are brave...when you overcome your fear and help others to do the same.
You are happy...when you see a flower and are thankful for the blessing.
You are loving...when your own pain does not blind you to the pain of
others.
You are wise...when you know the limits of your wisdom.
You are true...when you admit there are times you fool yourself.
You are alive...when tomorrow's hope means more to you than yesterday's
mistake.
You are growing...when you know what you are but not what you will become.
You are free...when you are in control of yourself and do not wish to
control others.
You are honorable...when you find your honor is to honor others.
You are generous...when you can take as sweetly as you can give.
You are humble...when you do not know how humble you are.
You are thoughtful...when you see me just as I am and treat me just as you
are.
You are merciful...when you forgive in others the faults you condemn in
yourself.
You are beautiful...when you don't need a mirror to tell you.
You are rich...when you never need more than what you have.
You are you...when you are at peace with who you are not.

Cholesterol Chart

funny

Seven Hearts

funny

funny

Kaho Na... Pyar Hai [Song]

Kyon Chalti Hai Pawan,

Because Of Evaporation.

Kyon Jhoome Hai Gagan,

Because Of Earth Rotation.

Kyon Machalta Hai Man,

Because Of Excessive Respiration.

 Kyon Aati Hai Bahar,

Because Of Change In Season.

Kyon Lut ta Hai Karar,

Because Of Mental Tention.

Kyon Hota Hai Pyar,

Because Of Opposite Attraction.

Kyon Gum Hai Har Disha,

Because Of Loss Of Sense Of Direction.

Kyon Hota Hai Nasha,

Because Of Drug Addiction.

Kyon Aata Hai Maza,

Because Of Sensation

Na Tum Jano Na Hum

But I Just Answered All Na . . .

Wish

Today God open the door of Heaven 
and ask me my wish . . .

I said, “Oh God!!! Fulfill The Wishes 
Of All Those Who Are ReadingThis”.

तथास्तु !!!

Happy New Year 2011

Who said time will not come back

Check the calendar days of 2011 it is same as 2005

Only the Year has changed

Nothing is a waste of time if you use the experience wisely.....

Enjoy your each minute.

Have a blasting Year throughout

Rajni Kant

* RECENTLY CHINA AIRPORTS WERE CLOSED DUE TO HEAVY FOG
........ LATER IT WAS DISCOVERED THAT RAJANIKANTH WAS SMOKING IN INDIA !!!!!!!!!!


* GOVERNMENT OF INDIA PAYS TAX TO RAJANIKANTH FOR LIVING IN INDIA !!!!!!!


* DEFINITION OF SOLAR ECLIPSE:
WHEN RAJANIKANTH STARES AT SUN WITH ANGER, SUN HIDES BEHIND THE MOON. THIS GREATEST PHENOMENA IS CALLED SOLAR ECLIPSE.........!!!!!


* RAJANIKANTH WOKE UP ONE DAY AND DECIDED HE SHOULD SHARE ATLEAST ONE PERCENT OF HIS KNOWLEDGE WITH THE WORLD...... THUS....................... THE GOOGLE WAS BORN!!!! * THINK WHAT WOULD HAVE HAPPENED IF RAJANI WOULD HAVE BORN 150 YEARS AGO..????? BRITISH WOULD HAVE FOUGHT FOR INDEPENDANCE....


* EVEN GHAJINI REMEMBERS RAJANI!!!! * AN EMAIL WAS SENT FROM MYSORE TO BANGALORE  .............          RAJANIKANTH STOPPED IT AT MANDYA ....


* WHY DO EARTHQUAKE OCCURS????? BECAUSE AT THAT TIME RAJANIKANTH'S MOBILE IS ON VIBRATION MODE!!!!!!!!!


* WHY DID RAJANI BUY AN ACRE OF LAND WITH 4 WELLS ON EACH CORNER?????
....................... TO PLAY CARROM!!!!!!


* BEFORE TOM CRUISE, RAJANI WAS APPROACHED FOR THE MOVIE MISSION IMPOSSIBLE, BUT RAJANI REFUSED AS HE FOUND THE TITLE INSULTING..


* Rajnikanth’s next project. Titanic in Tamil. Climax revised. Both survive. Rajnikant swims across the Atlantic Ocean with heroine in one hand and… Titanic in the other.


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