बहुत अच्छा दोस्त था

लालू -  (बालू से): यार कल मेरी बीवी मेरे एक दोस्त के साथ भाग गयी.

बालू - (लालू -  से): तुझको तो बहुत याद आती होगी उसकी, फिर?

लालू -  हां यार.. बहुत अच्छा दोस्त था मेरा.

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Mother

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ठेकेदार

तीन ठेकेदार एक पुलिया की मरम्मत के ठेके के लिए बोली लगाने पहुंचे। 

अधिकारी उन्हें उस पुलिया पर ले गया जिसकी मरम्मत होनी थी।

पहले ठेकेदार ने जेब से फीता निकाला, कुछ नापतौल की, कैलकुलेटर पर कुछ हिसाब लगाया और बोला – मैं इस काम को 90000 रुपए में कर दूंगा। 40000 सामग्री के लिए, 40000 मजदूरों के लिए और 10000 मेरे लिए।

दूसरे ठेकेदार ने भी नाप तौल की, कुछ हिसाब लगाया और बोला – 70000 रुपए। 30000 सामग्री के लिए और 30000 मजदूरी के। बाकी 10000 मेरे।

तीसरे ठेकेदार ने न नापतौल की न हिसाब लगाया। अधिकारी के कान के पास मुंह ले जाकर कहा – 2 लाख  70000 रुपए।

अधिकारी बोला – देख नहीं रहे। दूसरा 70000 में करने को तैयार है । कुछ नापतौल तो करो, हिसाब तो लगाओ तब बोलो।

तीसरा ठेकेदार फिर उसके कान में फुसफुसाया – पूरी बात तो सुनिए …… । एक लाख मेरे, एक लाख आपके और 70000 दूसरे वाले ठेकेदार के लिए जो यह काम करके देगा।

और ठेका तीसरे ठेकेदार को दे दिया गया……

Safety - ATTENTION!

Medical research authority of the US have found new cancer in human being caused by silver nitro oxide..

Whenever you buy recharge cards dont scratch with nails as it contains silver nitro oxide coating and can cause skin cancer...

Share this msg with your loved ones ...


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HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY ........................

 JAI H

        JAI HIN JA

        JAI HIND JAI HIND

         JAI HIND JAI HIND J

        JAI HIND JAI HI 

         JAI HIND JAI

         JAI HIND JAI

          JAI HIND JAI

          JAI HIND

          JAI HIND J

         JAI HIND JAI H

        JAI HIND JAI HIN 

        JAI HIND JAI HIN                  JAI H

       JAI HIND JAI HIND J                JAI HIND J

      JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI H         J     JAI HIND J 

    JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI        JA   JAI HIND JAI

   JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND J     JA    JAI HIND

                            JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND  JAI 

    JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND J JAI HIND JAI

     JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND  JAI HIND JAI 

 JAI HI JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIN     JAI HI

 JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND    JAI H

   JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI     JAI

   JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIN     J 

   JAI HI JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI 

   JAI H JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND J

       JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI 
       JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND JAIND

      JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND 

       JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HI

       JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND J

       JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND 

       JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIN 

       JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HI

        JAI HIND JAI HIND JA

        JAI HIND JAI HIND J

        JAI HIND JAI HIN

         JAI HIND JAI HIN 

         JAI HIND JAI HI 

         JAI HIND JAI H

          JAI HIND JAI

          JAI HIND JAI

          JAI HIND JAI

           JAI HIND

           JAI HIN 

           JAI HI 

            JAI H

           

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Donate Your Eyes

India's Total Population 118 Crores. 

Daily Death - 62389 

Daily Birth - 86853 

Total Blinds - 682497 

If Daily Dead People Donate their Eyes, 

within 11 Days all Blinds will be able to See.   

Then in India there will be NO Blinds. 

Forward this message Atleast to 1 Person 

KINDNESS Costs NOTHING. 

Just for Laugh

Advertisement In A Long Island Shop: 

Guitar, for sale........ Cheap...............
no strings attached. 

Ad In Hospital Waiting Room: 

Smoking Helps You Lose Weight ... 
One Lung At A Time! 

On a bulletin board: 

Success Is Relative. The more The Success, 
The more The Relatives. 

When I Read About The Evils Of Drinking...

I Gave Up Reading 

My Grandfather Is Eighty And Still Doesn't Need Glasses....

He Drinks Straight Out Of The Bottle. 

You Know Your kids Have Grown Up When:

Your Daughter Begins To Put On Lipstick.. 

Or when your Son starts To wipe It Off 

Sign In A Bar:

'Those Of You Who Are Drinking To Forget, 
Please do Pay In Advance.' 

Sign In Driving School:

If Your Wife Wants To Learn To Drive, 
Don't Stand In Her Way.... 

Behind Every Great Man,

There Is A Surprised Woman. 

The Reason Men Lie Is Because

Women Ask too Many Questions.. 

Getting Caught 

Is The Mother Of Invention. 

Laugh And The World Laughs With You,

Snore And You sleep Alone 

The Surest Sign That Intelligent Life Exists Elsewhere In The Universe 

Is The Fact That It Has Never Tried To Contact Us. 

Sign At A Barber's Saloon In Detroit :

We Need Your Heads To Run Our Business.. 

Sign In A Restaurant: 

All Drinking Water In This Establishment 
Has Been Personally Passed By The Manager.

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7 wonders of India

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Superb Sayings

If the Road is Beautiful then, Worry About the Destination, But if the Destination is Beautiful, Then Don't Worry About The Road!

We Always Feel that GOD Never comes on Time When We Call Him...But the Truth is ~ "He is Always on Time" But "We are Always in Hurry!

Trust the One Who can See, These Three Thing in You ~Sorrow Behind Your SMILE, Love Behind Your ANGER & Reason Behind Your SILENCE!

Beautiful things Are not Always Good ~ But Good things are Always Beautiful!

Never Miss the First Opportunity, Because the Second Opportunity Will be Much More Difficult than First!

Dreams Aren't those That You Have when You are Asleep, Dreams are Those that Don't Let You Sleep till They are Fulfilled!

Its Purity of Heart that Matters, Not the External Appearance. Because Helping Hands are Always,Better than Praying Lips…!

No one could actually say that you deserve better. Because the best thing that you deserve, will always be your choice.

When your Time is Good, Your Mistakes are taken As a Joke! But When Your Time is Bad, Even your Jokes are Noticed as Mistakes!

We Judge Ourselves By what We Feel we're Capable of Doing, While Others Judge us By what We have Already Done!

LAUGH like You have Never Cried, PLAY like You have Never Lost, LOVE like You have Never Hurt And LIVE like There is No Tomorrow!

Two Things that Define SUCCESS In LIFE: - The Way You Manage when You Have Nothing & Way You Behave when You Have Everything!

Don't concentrate on what Someone Else can Do that you Cannot Concentrate on What You can Do That Others Cannot.

Never Be too Proud of who You are & What Position you Hold Because After a Game of Chess The King & The Puns are tossed Into The Same Box!

Love dies because of Ego

Once upon a time there was an island

where all the feelings lived

One day there was a storm in the sea

and the island was about to get drowned.

Every feeling was scared but Love

made a boat to escape .

Every feeling boarded the boat.. 

Only 1 feeling was left.

Love got down to see who it was..

It was EGO. 

Love tried and tried but ego wasn't moving also.

the water was rising.. 

Every one asked love to leave him and come in the boat, but love was

made to love.

At last all the feelings escape and Love dies with ego on the island..

Love Dies because of EGO! 

So, Kill Ego And Save Love.....  


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फ़ेसबुक

दुश्मनी मेरी इससे कोई जाती नहीं है
लेकिन फ़ेसबुक की दुनिया मुझे भाती नहीं है

दीवार पे लिखो, दीवार पे बाँचो
यूँ दीवारों से बातें की जाती नहीं है

एक नहीं, दो नहीं, 80 से ज्यादा फ़्रेंड्स हैं मेरे
कहने को दोस्त, लेकिन कोई साथी नहीं है

विडियो और फोटो में कुछ ऐसा फ़ंसा
कि शब्दों की सही वर्तनी अब आती नहीं है

फ़ेसबुक की दुनिया एक सूखे पेड़ सी है यारो
जिसमें शाख ही शाख है कोई पाती नहीं है

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Heart Attacks And Hot Water

The Chinese and Japanese drink hot tea with their meals, not cold water, may be it is time we adopt their drinking habit while eating.

Missing You

Husband throwing darts at his wife’s photo 

and not even single one hitting the target.

From another room wife called the husband : 

“honey what are you doing?

Husband: “MISSING U”

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Stay away from Anger...

Never Think Hard about PAST, It brings Tears.

Don't Think more about FUTURE, It brings Fears...

Live this Moment with a Smile, It brings Cheers.!!!!

----

Patience with family is love, 

Patience with others is respect, 

Patience with self is confidence and 

Patience with GOD is faith.

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Lokpal Bill

For your education if you do not already know this ----
See how Lokpal Bill can curb the politicians , Circulate it to create awareness.

Existing System	System Proposed by civil society
No politician or senior officer ever goes to jail despite huge evidence because Anti Corruption Branch (ACB) and CBI directly come under the government. Before starting investigation or initiating prosecution in any case, they have to take permission from the same bosses, against whom the case has to be investigated.	Lokpal at centre and Lokayukta at state level will be independent bodies. ACB and CBI will be merged into these bodies. They will have power to initiate investigations and prosecution against any officer or politician without needing anyone’s permission. Investigation should be completed within 1 year and trial to get over in next 1 year. Within two years, the corrupt should go to jail.
No corrupt officer is dismissed from the job because Central Vigilance Commission, which is supposed to dismiss corrupt officers, is only an advisory body. Whenever it advises government to dismiss any senior corrupt officer, its advice is never implemented.	Lokpal and Lokayukta will have complete powers to order dismissal of a corrupt officer. CVC and all departmental vigilance will be merged into Lokpal and state vigilance will be merged into Lokayukta.
No action is taken against corrupt judges because permission is required from the Chief Justice of India to even register an FIR against corrupt judges.	Lokpal & Lokayukta shall have powers to investigate and prosecute any judge without needing anyone’s permission.
Nowhere to go- People expose corruption but no action is taken on their complaints.	Lokpal & Lokayukta will have to enquire into and hear every complaint.
There is so much corruption within CBI and vigilance departments. Their functioning is so secret that it encourages corruption within these agencies.	All investigations in Lokpal & Lokayukta shall be transparent. After completion of investigation, all case records shall be open to public. Complaint against any staff of Lokpal & Lokayukta shall be enquired and punishment announced within two months.
Weak and corrupt people are appointed as heads of anti-corruption agencies.	Politicians will have absolutely no say in selections of Chairperson and members of Lokpal & Lokayukta. Selections will take place through a transparent and public participatory process.
Citizens face harassment in government offices. Sometimes they are forced to pay bribes. One can only complaint to senior officers. No action is taken on complaints because senior officers also get their cut.	Lokpal & Lokayukta will get public grievances resolved in time bound manner, impose a penalty of Rs 250 per day of delay to be deducted from the salary of guilty officer and award that amount as compensation to the aggrieved citizen.
Nothing in law to recover ill gotten wealth. A corrupt person can come out of jail and enjoy that money.	Loss caused to the government due to corruption will be recovered from all accused.
Small punishment for corruption-Punishment for corruption is minimum 6 months and maximum 7 years.	Enhanced punishment -The punishment would be minimum 5 years and maximum of life imprisonment.

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मैं बाप बनने वाला हूँ

बंता: परेशान लग रहे हो? क्या हुआ?

संता: मैं बाप बनने वाला हूँ

बंता:पर यह तो अच्छा है

संता: इसमे अच्छा क्या है?       
 मेरी बीबी को अभी तक नही पता है!

and its clear

Why is Facebook such a hit?

It works on the principle that-

People are more interested in others life than their own

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280 लाख करोड़ का सवाल है ...

भारतीय गरीब है लेकिन भारत देश कभी गरीब नहीं रहा"*

ये कहना है स्विस बैंक के डाइरेक्टर का.

स्विस बैंक के डाइरेक्टर ने यह भी कहा है कि

भारत का लगभग 280 लाख करोड़ रुपये उनके स्विस

बैंक में जमा है. ये रकम इतनी है कि भारत का आने वाले 30 सालों का बजट

बिना टैक्स के बनाया जा सकता है.

या यूँ कहें कि 60 करोड़

रोजगार के अवसर दिए जा सकते है.

या यूँ भी कह सकते है कि भारत के किसी भी गाँव से दिल्ली तक 4

लेन रोड बनाया जा सकता है. ऐसा भी कह सकते है

कि 500 से ज्यादा सामाजिक प्रोजेक्ट पूर्ण किये जा सकते है.

ये रकम इतनी ज्यादा है कि

अगर हर भारतीय को 2000 रुपये हर महीने भी दिए जाये

तो 60 साल तक ख़त्म ना हो.

यानी भारत को किसी वर्ल्ड बैंक से लोन लेने कि कोई जरुरत

नहीं है. जरा सोचिये ... हमारे भ्रष्ट राजनेताओं

और नोकरशाहों ने कैसे देश को लूटा है और

ये लूट का सिलसिला अभी तक 2011 तक जारी है.

इस सिलसिले को अब रोकना बहुत ज्यादा जरूरी हो गया है.

अंग्रेजो ने हमारे भारत पर करीब 200 सालो तक राज

करके करीब 1 लाख करोड़ रुपये लूटा. मगर आजादी के केवल

64 सालों में हमारे भ्रस्टाचार ने 280 लाख करोड़ लूटा है.

एक तरफ 200 साल में 1 लाख करोड़ है और दूसरी तरफ केवल 64

सालों में 280 लाख करोड़ है. यानि हर साल लगभग 4.37 लाख करोड़, या हर महीने

करीब 36 हजार करोड़ भारतीय मुद्रा स्विस बैंक में इन भ्रष्ट

लोगों द्वारा जमा करवाई गई है. भारत को किसी वर्ल्ड बैंक के लोन की कोई दरकार नहीं है.

 सोचो कि कितना पैसा हमारे भ्रष्ट राजनेताओं और उच्च अधिकारीयों ने ब्लाक करके

रखा हुआ है. हमे भ्रस्ट राजनेताओं और भ्रष्ट अधिकारीयों के खिलाफ जाने का पूर्ण अधिकार

है.हाल ही में हुवे घोटालों का आप सभी को पता ही है - CWG घोटाला,२ जी

स्पेक्ट्रुम घोटाला , आदर्श होउसिंग घोटाला... और ना जाने कौन कौन से घोटाले

अभी उजागर होने वाले है ........आप लोग जोक्स फॉरवर्ड करते ही हो. इसे भी इतना

फॉरवर्ड करो की पूरा भारत इसे पढ़े ... और एक आन्दोलन बन जाये...

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money - money

To make money

we lose our health

and

Then to restore our health

we lose our money…

We live as if we are never going to die
And we die as if we never lived....


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I Want To Go Back To The Time

When INNOCENCE Was NATURAL
Not FAKE
-o-
When GETTING HIGH Meant On A SWING
Not PROMOTIONS
-o-
When DRINKING Meant RASNA ORANGE
Not BEERS Or WHISKEYS
-o-
When DAD Was The Only HERO
Not Hrithik Or SRK.
-o-
When LOVE Was MOM’S HUG
Not The GIRL-FRIENDS
-o-
When DAD’S SHOULDER Was The HIGHEST PLACE On The Earth
Not Your DESIGNATION
-o-
And When GOOD-BYES Meant TILL TOMORROW
Not For YEARS & YEARS
-o-
Life Has Changed A Lot

But The Thing Is That We Don’t Want To Accept It!




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habits

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Just for laugh

एक शराबी आधे घण्टे से शराब का प्याला सामने रख कर उसे घूरे जा रहा था । उसी बार में उसका एक दोस्त भी बैठा हुआ था। उसे मजाक सूझा। वह उठा और उसने शराबी के सामने रखा हुआ जाम एक ही सांस में खाली कर दिया। यह देखकर शराबी रोने लगा।

दोस्त  – रो मत यार ! तू काफी देर से चुपचाप बैठा हुआ था इसलिए मैंने तो मजाक किया था । चल मैं तेरे लिए दूसरा गिलास मंगा देता हूं …..

शराबी – मैं शराब के लिए नहीं रो रहा हूं। मैं तो अपनी किस्मत को रो रहा हूं। आज का दिन मेरी जिंदगी का सबसे बुरा दिन है। आज मैं देर से ऑफिस पहुंचा तो बॉस ने नौकरी से निकाल दिया। बाहर आया तो देखा मेरी गाड़ी चोरी हो चुकी थी। किसी तरह घर पहुंचा तो पता चला कि मेरी बीबी मेरा सारा पैसा और सामान लेकर अपने प्रेमी के साथ चंपत हो चुकी थी। आखिर में मैं इस बार में आया और आत्महत्या करने की सोच ही रहा था कि तुम आ गए और मेरा जहर मिला शराब का गिलास पी गए …. सचमुच मेरा तो दिन बहुत ही खराब है ….

 

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Household tips

Ants Problem:

Ants hate cucumbers.
Keep the skin of cucumbers near the place or ant hole.

To get pure and clean ice :

Boil water first before freezing.

To make the mirror shine:

Clean with spirit

To remove chewing gum from clothes: 

Keep the cloth in the freezer for an hour.

To whiten white clothes:

Soak white clothes in hot water with a slice of lemon for 10 minutes

To give a shine to hair :

Add one teaspoon of vinegar to hair, then wash hair.

To get maximum juice out of lemons :

Soak lemons in hot water for one hour, and then juice them.

To avoid smell of cabbage while cooking:

Keep a piece of bread on the cabbage in the vessel while cooking.

To avoid tears while cutting onions:

Chew gum.

To boil potatoes quickly:

Skin one potato from one side only before boiling.

To remove ink from clothes :

Put toothpaste on the ink spots generously and let it dry completely, then wash.

To skin sweet potatoes quickly :

Soak in cold water immediately after boiling.

To get rid of mice or rats :

sprinkle black pepper in places where you find mice or rats.

They will run away.

Chinese Proverb:

'When someone shares something of value with you and you benefit from it,

You have a moral obligation to share it with others.'

just laugh

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just laugh

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ACCOUNTABILITY

Chairman of Tepco had already resigned to take responsibility. 

Think this will ever happen here? 

TOKYO - JAPAN'S Prime Minister Naoto Kan said on Tuesday he WILL NOT ACCEPT his wages as premier until the crisis at the tsunami-hit Fukushima nuclear plant is over, although he will take his lawmaker's salary. 

'Along with the plant operator, Tepco (Tokyo Electric Power Company), the government bears a great responsibility for the nuclear accident as it has pursued a nuclear energy policy,' the centre-left leader said. 

'As the one in charge of this policy, I wish to offer my apologies to the people,' he told a press conference. 

'In view of this position,I HAVE DECIDED TO GIVE UP MY ANNUAL ALLOWANCE AS PRIME MINISTER FROM JUNE, until we can see the prospect of a solution to the nuclear accident.' -- AFP

Did he caused the tsuanmi? No

Did he caused the nuclear crisis? No

Is he the Prime Minister? Yes...

THIS IS CALLED ACCOUNTABILITY

Birds need you this summer

In any relationship, the essence of trust is not in its bind, but in its bond.

Little girl and her father were crossing a bridge. 

The father was kind of scared so he asked his little daughter, 

'Sweetheart, please hold my hand so that you don't fall into the river.' 

The little girl said, 'No, Dad. You hold my hand.' 

'What's the difference?' Asked the puzzled father. 

'There's a big difference,' replied the little girl. 

'If I hold your hand and something happens to me, 

chances are that I may let your hand go. 

But if you hold my hand, I know for sure that no matter what happens, 

you will never let my hand go.'

WHY DOES INDIA NEED HIGHER DENOMINATIONS?

If you are a Woman, feel Proud to be one

When I was born, A Woman was there to hold me : My Mother

As I grew up as a child, A woman was there to care & play with me: My Sister 

I went to school, A Woman was there to help me learn: My Teacher 

I became depressed when I lost, A Woman was there to offer a shoulder: My Girlfriend 

I needed compatibility, company & Love, A Woman was there for me: My Wife 

I became tough, A Woman was there to melt me: My Daughter 

When I will die, A Woman will be there to absorb me in: My Motherland 

If you are a Man, value every Woman &
If you are a Woman, feel Proud to be one

http://www.funandbliss.com/

For Mobile Users

Do not’s for Mobile Users

• Do not give your mobile phone numbers while chatting over the internet to avoid stalking. And do not lend it either.
• Do not use or buy a used SIM card. Make sure your SIM card is bought and registered under your name with your permanent address,
• Do not lend your mobile phone, and try to password protect the phone if the facility is available in the handset.
• Do not use the mobile for obscene/pornographic images, videos or SMS and MMS.
• Do not assume that any crime done with your mobile is undetectable.
• Take care when using your phone in public places – do not flash it around
• Avoid leaving your phone unattended - treat it like you would treat your wallet or purse
• Make a note of the mobile's serial number - you can find it by typing *#06# on your phone. The serial number can help to track the mobile if it's ever stolen / lost.
• Call the service provider immediately, in case your mobile phone is stolen. They will block use of the stolen SIM card in their network.
• Report it to the police as soon as the crime occurs.
• Cell Phone Etiquettes

There are certain things people just shouldn't do with cell phones.

• Do not talk on your cell phone while driving.
• Do not talk on your cell phone in classrooms. (You’re disturbing others too!)
• Turn your cell phone to silent/vibrate mode in Places of Worship, Funerals, Job Interviews, Banks and places where you are requested to do so.
• Turn off your cell phone in flights.
• Turn off the cell phones, where there is any kind of such direction from the authorities.
• Do not take photos / videos using cell phones without consent of others.
• Do not send, transfer or store pornographic contents using cell phones.
• Turn your cell phone off when you are at the movies or at least don't check the messages – people around you will be disturbed by the screen light up.
• Never take a personal mobile call during a business meeting. This includes interviews and meetings with co-workers or subordinates.
• Maintain at least a 10-foot zone from anyone while talking.
• Never talk in elevators, libraries, museums, restaurants, cemeteries, theaters, dentist or doctor waiting rooms, places of worship, auditoriums or other enclosed public spaces, such as hospital emergency rooms or buses.
• And don't have any emotional conversations in public, ever.
• Don't use loud and annoying ring tones that destroy concentration and eardrums.
• Never "multi-task" by making calls while shopping, banking, waiting in line or conducting other personal business.
• Help the Law Enforcement Agencies to serve you better.

http://www.funandbliss.com